Defining It: Inhibitions

When I was younger, and cast my eye on some gold ring, I would start that desire with "When I lose weight."
When I lose weight I'm going to write that book.
When I lose weight I'm going to go to my class reunion.
When I lose weight - all my troubles will be solved, all my dreams will come true, all my hopes will be fulfilled.
When I lose weight. All I've really done is given myself an excuse not to write, travel, solve my own troubles, make my dreams come true and fulfil my dreams.
What exactly am I afraid of? What exactly am I avoiding overeating is a better alternative?
Succeeding. I am afraid to succeed because the opposite of success if failure and I would rather not try at all than fail at something.
This weight loss thing is really hard mentally and I'm serious here. Losing and retooling has been difficult in the sense that I'm having to learn to change and expand my comfort levels.
And I think I've said it before, it's harder losing what I have to lose than it is 5 or ten pounds. The mental toll can be a bit overwhelming. And yes, it would be easy to pull my proverbial covers over my head and just stay where I'm at.
But where is the growth? Where is the satisfaction?
I've only been able to budge 26 pounds off me, but actually have been consistently losing for about 8 or 9 weeks. And with each pound gone, it seems I gain something inside.
I know it sounds insane, but lately I'm more likely than not to stand up for myself, to complete promises made to myself and others, to attempt something I might not have done 26 pounds ago.
I seem to be losing, along with the weight, a certain amount of inhibitions that are allowing me to live differently.
One thing I've always feared about losing weight is that who I am would be redefined and my personality would change.
But you know something? Change really is a good thing!
I encourage you all to step out of your comfort zone in one area and try something new that you have wanted to do, but for one reason or another haven't.
It's different. It's a little exciting even.
I had a baseball player friend in college, who isn't with us anymore, and I was interviewing him for a playoff game. He gave me probably the best comment on his feelings, and it's what I am feeling now, and hopefully what you will feel.
"It's scary...but I like it."

weirlosingit@gmail.com